


READ THIS FIC FOR HEALTHY POLYAMORY, CONVOLUTED TEXT-BASED EXCHANGES AND A CAT WITH A FUNNY NAME

by breathtaken



Series: Ficbait [2]
Category: The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Office, Multi, Polyamory, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-28
Updated: 2015-11-28
Packaged: 2018-05-03 20:21:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5305541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breathtaken/pseuds/breathtaken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Aramis, 14:17] <i>16 TIMES DOG-THEMED TWITTER BOTS SAID WHAT WE WERE ALL SECRETLY THINKING</i></p><p>[Athos, 14:24] <i>Please never tell us</i></p><p>[Aramis, 14:28] <i>If you’re tired of derivative content you’re tired of life</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	READ THIS FIC FOR HEALTHY POLYAMORY, CONVOLUTED TEXT-BASED EXCHANGES AND A CAT WITH A FUNNY NAME

[Aramis, 09:25]  _*cracks knuckles*_

[Porthos, 09:54] _What’s it today?_

[Aramis, 09:58] _10_ _INCREDIBLY BIZARRE_ _SEX_ _UAL PRACTICES_ _– AND HOW TO TRY THEM_ _AT HOME_

[Athos, 10:02] _Oh God_

[Athos, 10:02] _Please tell me you’re joking_

[Aramis, 10:06] _Legit, my friend :D_

[Athos, 10:20] _Fuck_

[Porthos, 10:25] _Sounds good to me :)_

[Athos, 10:30] _Aramis is very method_

[Athos, 10:31] _Trust me this is not a good thing_

 

* * *

 

It’s only his acute awareness of everyone else in the office and the importance of looking busy that has Porthos stifling his laugh behind his hand instead of giving it free rein, though Athos will probably still hear his huff of breath for what it is. Assuming he’s listening.

Porthos still hasn’t heard him laugh. Not in just over a fortnight, anyway, most of which has been spent at work; and though Athos gives little away Porthos is still sure that work isn’t exactly high on his list of priorities. He spends a large part of the day messaging Aramis, for one.

Though they could just be head over heels in love.

But who’s head over heels in love and still describes their relationship as ‘fuck buddies’?

Porthos likes them. Both. A lot. But he’s all too aware that he doesn’t yet _understand._

(He thinks he might just like them all the more for it.)

 

* * *

 

[Aramis, 11:22] _Have you ever heard of figging_

[Athos, 11:29] _I am not listening to anything you say today_

[Athos, 11:31] _I am going to delete all of your messages unread_

[Aramis, 11:42] _Cool, have you heard of it though_

[Porthos, 11:49] _D_ _epends who’s bottoming :)_

[Porthos, 11:50] _Not sure it’s my thing TBH_

[Porthos, 11:50] _To be fair to Athos he’s in a TC_

[Aramis, 11:56] _Temporary coffee break?_

[Athos, 12:00] _Teleconference_.  _FFS when would you ever have a two letter acronym for a three word phrase_

[Athos, 12:01] _Also all breaks are temporary by nature_

[Athos, 12:01] _Call yourself a writer_

[Aramis, 12:03] _25 WAYS I WRITE FOR A LIVING AND YOU DON’T_

[Aramis, 12:05] _Hi Athos how are you enjoying deleting my messages unread_

 

* * *

 

The trouble is – he knows it’s only been days (fantastic, sexy sweaty breakfast in bed and cocktails in the bath kind of days), but the signal-to-noise ratio is quite low. He doesn’t dare press too much too quickly, and most of the things that promise to be informative quickly get sidetracked by, well, bickering.

He’d wonder how they live with each other, except that this seems to be exactly how.

 

* * *

 

[Aramis, 15:23] <image>

[Porthos, 15:44] _Is that_ _what I think it is_

[Athos, 15:50] _101 things the cat is not allowed to eat_

[Aramis, 15:52] _6_ _unlikely_ _health benefits of garlic_

[Athos, 15:56] _For humans_

[Aramis, 16:02] _Don’t worry I took it off him before he got down to the cloves_

[Aramis, 16:05] _Porthos,_ _you should know_ _he likes to hide them in the pillowcases_

[Porthos, 16:10] _Dare I ask why?_

[Aramis, 16:14] _He’s a cat_

[Aramis, 16:14] _Who the fuck knows_

[Porthos, 16:17] _Has he really not got a name?_

[Athos, 16:20] _Fish Face_

[Porthos, 16:24] _Descriptive. I like it_

[Athos, 16:26] _You can see why we just call him the cat_

 

* * *

 

Perhaps he shouldn’t sweat it.

Perhaps he should start with Aramis, who already seems to be the more open of the two, and isn’t already in the habit of sharing awkward lunches with him where they pretend they’re merely two colleagues who enjoy each other’s company. Perhaps he should bide his time until they end up alone together, one evening after work when Athos is showering and Porthos is on the sofa with a beer and a bowl of crisps and Aramis’ feet in his lap (and the cat eyeing him distastefully from Athos’ chair), and he can ask oh-so-casually, “So… you two were ‘fuck buddies’, you said.”

“I did.”

_But this is more than that._

_But_ that _looks like it was more than that, too._

“Is that what you agreed, or…?”

“No, not as such. I can’t imagine Athos calling himself anyone’s fuck buddy.” Aramis shoves a palmful of crisps in his mouth, chews and swallows consideringly; the way he looks at Porthos afterwards is different. “‘Fuck buddies’ is the short answer. You want the long one.”

Porthos takes a fortifying swig of his beer. “Please.”

“We’re best friends. We fuck. We love each other deeply. All of these things are true, but they don’t quite add up to a normal romantic relationship. I’m a little too much for Athos, I know that – he’s terrified of being the sole object of anyone’s affections. And I like my freedom.”

Something of Porthos’ feelings must show on his face, because Aramis continues, “We’re exclusive for now, though. The three of us. Assuming you want to be, of course. And when things have settled down, we can see.”

“I’d like that.”

Porthos’ grin seems to operate independently to the rest of him. He lets it.

 

* * *

 

[Aramis, 14:15] _WHY YOU SHOULD FORGET EVERYTHING YOU’VE EVER LEARNED ABOUT HOME ORGANISING_

[Athos, 14:46] _After the third year the dust doesn’t get any worse?_

[Athos, 14:55] _Come on then don’t keep us in suspense_

[Aramis, 15:02] _I would rather stick a fork in my eye than write this article_

[Aramis, 15:05] _Send me some nouns_

[Porthos, 15:07] _Potato_ _, vodka, serendipity, fin-de-siècle,_ _hosepipe_

[Porthos, 15:07] _If you get them all in there’s a bonus ;)_

[Aramis, 15:11] _I bet you say that to all the boys_

[Athos, 15:16] _13 ENTIRELY ORIGINAL WAYS TO USE THINGS AS OTHER THINGS_

[Aramis, 15:18] _OK but what the fuck am I going to do with_ _the_ _hosepipe_

[Porthos, 15:21] _Try Pinterest_

 

* * *

 

Porthos has always been a quick learner, chiefly because he’s always had to be. It kept him off the streets and out of jail, even got him through university, and to the point where he can sit opposite a man like Athos in a firmly middle-class workplace, call himself a business analyst and feel… not _quite_ like he belongs there – not yet – but like he _could_.

Athos doesn’t quite belong either, and Porthos wonders just how aware he is that his whole manner speaks of another life lived, and left just as firmly behind. Of settling, perhaps, and not quite being able to bring himself to care; of finding a fulfilment he never expected.

Porthos _is_ fairly sure that he doesn’t realise just how poorly-disguised his fondness for Aramis actually is.

And Aramis himself is a type Porthos knows well: fun, outgoing, all playful charm on the surface, all the better to hide just how sharp he can be, just how much lies beneath.

Porthos wants to know all of it.

 

* * *

 

[Aramis, 14:17] _16 TIMES DOG-THEMED TWITTER BOTS SAID WHAT WE WERE ALL SECRETLY THINKING_

[Athos, 14:24] _Please_ _never tell us_

[Aramis, 14:28] _If you’re tired of derivative content you’re tired of life_

[Aramis, 14:31] _Is it too early to open the booze_

[Athos, 14:44] _YES IT FUCKING IS_

[Athos, 14:44] _If I have to be sober for this conversation_ _then_ _so do you_

 

* * *

 

This is the third time in an hour that he’s written most of a message and then deleted it.

They’re just so… _them_ , is the problem. He’s fairly sure – hopes – there’s a place for him here, but he doesn’t know quite what it is yet; and he’s all too aware that he’s trying on subtly different versions of himself, to see what will best fit.

He could try just speaking entirely in clickbait headlines, of course. That seems to work for everyone else.

 

* * *

 

[Aramis, 10:02] _9 BEDS THAT LOOK LIKE_ _BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH_

[Athos, 10:44] _…_

[Athos, 10:44] _You’re making this up_

[Aramis, 10:52] _Yes, that is literally my job_

 

* * *

 

Aramis has a big bedroom and a _very_ big bed, and he lies sprawled in the middle of it like a cat, basking in their affection.

(The _real_ cat is scratching at the bedroom door quite insistently, and after ignoring it for thirty seconds Athos sighs, swears under his breath and goes to let him in, upon which he pauses in the doorway and stares at them suspiciously for a couple of seconds before giving the feline equivalent of a shrug, and curling up into a ball on top of Athos’ discarded jumper.)

“Fucking animal,” Athos mutters, but lets Aramis drag him back onto the mattress.

Aramis, says, “Ten ways your cat doesn’t give a shit.”

Athos, turning, raises an eyebrow. “A hundred.”

“A thousand.”

“Infinity.”

“Infinity plus one.”

“No such thing. Second infinity, though, you could have had.”

Aramis’ eyes narrow. “Bollocks!”

Athos shrugs. “Countable infinities. Google it.”

“Later,” Aramis purrs, reaching up to encourage Athos him back into place against him, pulling the duvet back over them both. Porthos moves his hand from Aramis’ hip, stretching across his body to find Athos’, and presses his lips to the back of Aramis’ neck.

He closes his eyes and lets himself drift for a while, tracing the edges of Athos’ hipbone with his fingers, listening to the sounds of Athos and Aramis kissing, familiar and unhurried.

It’s not his first triad, and he’s not sure it’s theirs, but –

He kisses up into Aramis’ hairline, around to his ear, and murmurs, “Ten ways three are better than two.”

The kissing stops.

Aramis twists, eyes twinkling, straining his neck to brush his lips over Porthos’. “How to combat mononormativity at home – you’ll be shocked, then inspired.”

Athos, his expression grave, presses two fingers first to his own lips, then to Porthos’. “Nineteen outrageous ways to destroy the fabric of civilisation as we know it.”

Porthos can’t help pointing out, “You just described Aramis.”

If Porthos had to lay bets, he’d say the odds are pretty much certain that the reason an outraged Aramis launches himself into his arms is less about wrestling him into submission and more because he’s fairly sure Porthos will win.

Athos gathers the duvet about himself, and doesn’t bother to pretend he isn’t smiling.

 

* * *

 

[Athos, 11:01] _10 APPALLING HABITS APPARENTLY COMMON TO EVERY_ _ONE ELSE_ _WHO WORKS HERE_

[Aramis, 11:36] _?_

[Athos, 11:55] _12 ways to creatively murder anyone who has that fucking whistling Samsung text tone_

[Aramis, 12:02] _You know I think I have that option here somewhere_

[Athos, 12:06] _I will throw your phone out of the window I swear to God_

[Porthos, 12:12] _16 things that should not have been left in the office fridge –_ _can you identify them?_

[Aramis, 13:03] _101 RIDICULOUS ARTICLES SOMEONE ACTUALLY PAID ME MONEY TO WRITE: THE GREATEST HITS_

[Athos, 13:25] _Now that’s just derivative_

 

* * *

 

This time, Porthos can’t help laughing at his desk.

Moments later, his screen lights up again.

 

* * *

 

[Athos, 13:26] _;)_

 

**Author's Note:**

> [Aleph numbers](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aleph_number) are a sequence of numbers used to represent the size of infinite sets.


End file.
